This past week I had an identity crisis. I went to apply for a TSA Pre-Check certificate. I’m sensitive to other people’s stress and shuffling through the TSA screening lines for over an hour is really hard for me. Therefore, we were willing to stretch our budget to get the TSA Pre-check, knowing that over the next several years trips to Seattle will increase, as my Mom and Uncle get older, which carries its own kind of stress.
This seemed like a simple process: fill out an online form; then drive to the nearest TSA approved fingerprinting office (a little over an hour away from our house); present my driver’s license, birth certificate and marriage certificate to verify who I was; give them the money; and it would be done. However, when my husband and I arrived at the office, I was informed that my marriage certificate would not work as Identification because it was issued by a church and didn’t have a State Seal on it. They then asked for a passport. Mine expired several years ago; so, no, I didn’t have one of those either. In other words, they didn’t believe I was who I said I was because almost 35 years ago I changed my name when I got married. It was the first time in all the years I’ve been married that I thought back to the agonizing decision to change my name. Though my husband, even back then, was willing to let me do whatever I wanted; I felt societal pressure to make the change, especially since he planned to go into ministry.
Right there in that office I had an identity crisis – I felt helpless and insecure, which in turn made me mad. No, I didn’t yell and scream. I did what I do – got busy solving the problem. As soon as I got home, I ordered a Marriage Certificate with a State Seal on it. I got out my expired passport and went to the nearest full-service facility to apply for a new passport – a Post Office outlet in Desert Hot Springs another 20 minutes away from my house. In case you are wondering, Passports aren’t cheap, but I never want to have that lost, insecure and helpless feeling again because someone says I’m not who I say I am.
By the time I got home, I was having buyer’s remorse. I knew we really didn’t have enough funds to pay for a Passport, but I did it anyway. So, when my husband asked about it – I brashly said, “Well, it is done, and we are just going to have to figure out a way to pay for it.” We dropped the conversation.
I went to prepare for a paying job I had the next day. I have been mentoring a short-term mission team, who will be leaving for Kenya on August 9th, in spiritual gifting, releasing words of hope in people’s lives, spiritual warfare and prayer for various things. The next morning, I was still out of sorts – and I was not functioning at my peak during the session. However, they still paid me the promised amount. But, at the end of the session, one of the members blessed me with a surprise cash gift. Between what had been paid and the extra gift, my passport and both my husband’s and my TSA pre-checks were covered. I cried.
I didn’t have to work hard to find God in this story. He reminded me that regardless of who anybody else says I am – I am His child first and foremost. My name is written in His book and He never gets me confused with anyone else. He knows my needs before I know them and has a plan for providing for them. I also recognize that pursuing my identity in Christ is more important than my frantic pursuit to prove who I was to a Government Agency. In Him: I am found and grounded, I am completely secure and have strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. I am thankful for my stressful weekend. Sometimes I need a little reminder of how really fortunate I am to live where I live and have a heavenly Daddy who loves me unconditionally!
Where do you find your identity?
