LOSS OF HOPE

I wrote the following to myself on 1/5/20, but it’s a helpful reminder as we all face quarantine and loss during COVID-19.

When do you feel the most hopeless?

• When I’m unproductive
• When I’m not learning new things
• When I’m tired
• When I’m not active enough
• When I don’t get out of the house to see the world around me
• When I’m not creative

What happens to you when hopeless sets in?

• I get sluggish
• I become grumpy – nothing in the world is good
• I’m unable to see God at work in me or the world
• I’m unwilling even to look to see if God might be doing something

My normal state of mind is looking for what God is doing, which is how this blog got its name, “On A God Hunt.” I see Him working throughout the day. I rejoice in the small things, enjoying the little surprises that He puts in my path.

However, when I’m not feeling well, or life isn’t going the way I want it, the ability to find God’s presents seems to disappear. Instead, I roll over and my pessimistic underbelly appears. Internally I know God is still there doing great things. I just don’t care. I want to wallow in the muck, having a pity party. My mind drifts off to the frivolous or mind-numbing so that I can avoid life.

No, I don’t give up my faith, but I do abdicate my joy. I give away the vision that allows me to see the bright colors, and I only see gray. I miss the fantastic synergy in the co-existence of all the different aspects of the world, the pure beauty in creation like the common garden rock. God made each part for my enjoyment, and their working together creates impressive things, but at that moment, I don’t care.

When I finally recognize that I’ve abdicated my joy, I can begin to refocus, by cleaning up my God glasses. It’s then that I realize that even simple things are essential to my existence. My God has a much bigger plan than I can understand. It’s just waiting for me to turn away from my pessimistic underbelly and embrace the process of surrendering my circumstances and give my whole being over to His control. Only then do I regain my joy in the small things: seeing the cactus that’s blooming because of the recent rain, the bunny sneaking down my side yard to grab a bite of my bushes, the palm frond glistening in the afternoon breeze like emeralds in the sky, or the wave from the neighbor walking down the street. Each rather insignificant by itself but put all together, they create the fabric of a precious life.

I encourage you to grab hold of your joy – look for the little presents God puts in your path for your enjoyment. JOY is a battle cry in stressful situations – it changes our perspective. It gives us hope. It allows us to help others, and most of all, it connects us with God.

I’m praying for you!
Andrea