Category: Personal Musings

By Andrea Sanger

One morning I woke up from a dream with a word on my mind. I felt it was a word that I shouldn’t forget, so, I leaped out of bed (totally abnormal for me). I grabbed my phone, pulled up my Dictionary.com app and typed in the word. There were no exact matches, but what did come up was Eudemonia – a noun that denotes happiness and well-being. Being a fanatical word person, I wanted synonyms for the word, so I jumped into Thesaurus.com: comfort, contentment, happiness, health, profit, prosperity, protection, safety, security, success, and welfare. What a great word, right?

Considering that in the past few months my family and friends have been racked with health and financial setbacks, it made me laugh. God has frequently done this in my life – dropped a word into my dreams that I don’t know that shows me something amazing about His plan and purpose for my life and those around me. His plan for us isn’t the stress we are embracing but “eudemonia.” The remainder of the week when something came up that could have been stressful, my dream word would pop into my head and make me smile.

When one of my friends shared the immense stress that she was carrying around, I realized that although eudemonia was a good word for me to know, it was a word from God for my friend. She is on track to fully express all the synonyms and have a huge impact on the community. However, she was internally blocked by a myriad of fears (some seem valid). Eudemonia became my prayer for her and all that she touches – a short one-word prayer that packs a big punch. Since that encounter more stressors have been dumped on her plate, but there is a new level of living well and doing well in the middle of it.

As I sit here typing, I pray God’s eudemonia would cover your life. Also that you, like me, will wake up in the mornings with a smile on your face, knowing that no matter what happens with the rest of your day in Christ, you are living well and doing well.

By: Andrea Sanger

I admit my mind was wandering during Bible Study, but what happened was purely a God moment.

As I looked down at the table, I saw a reflection of my friend’s arm and took a picture of it. It got me thinking about how each of us imposes a reflection on the world around us, even if we are not aware of it. Then, I started thinking about a Bible Study I did years ago – it was about taming the tongue from Proverbs 27:19 (English Standard Version – ESV): “As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.” It forced me to think about what my heart was reflecting through the words I choose to use. Often it is not great – that is why I love writing – I have time to edit before my thoughts become public. I’ve started challenging myself again to search my heart for what is really in there so that it is appropriately reflected through my words.

Back to the current Bible Study, we were studying Matthew 8:23-27 where Jesus calms the storm. Again, I was distracted as the reflection on my friend’s phone profoundly spoke to me. There she was reading “Jesus Calms the Storm” as a calm and serene outdoor sky reflected onto her screen. It was as if God was showing me that He is reflected in the world around us through His Word. We will see those reflections in it if our perspective is right. In this instance, God was also showing me that Jesus exhibited calm in his whole body by sleeping in the middle of the storm, even though the disciples couldn’t see it from their perspective.

How many times do I miss what God is trying to show me because I am out of position or just looking at what is right in front of me? How many times does my heart falter like the disciples because I’m focused on me instead of the reflection God is casting on and around me? How many times do I reflect onto the world something that is not helpful or uplifting? I want my body and words to reflect Christ’s influence in my life. How about you?

By Andrea Sanger

In the process of writing my memoir, I’m getting to go back and review old journals (I have several boxes of them). In one of them dated 11/7/1993 I wrote two entries as a follow-up to a conference we attended:

1. We are called to the Prodigals. The ones rejected by others. Adoption is just a part of that call. Our new son is just part of that call. I pray that I heard that directly from God, but it was like He said, “Your son is the first of many who have been rejected – that may be difficult at times, but the trouble is worth it. They need a place to be loved no matter what.
2. The Prodigals – confirmed when we went up to receive anointing for our call, Tommi (one of the conference speakers) handed David a paper. The paper was for the one who has a heart for the prodigals. (Someone had given her the paper earlier in the day with those instructions. They had written out Ezekiel 34 on it with words of encouragement).

As I look back on our lives, I can see all the places where this calling on our life has “accidentally” come to pass. Not because we went out looking for it, but it found us through the amazing people we have encountered along the way. There have been a lot of days when my husband and I have looked at each other and asked, “How’d we get here?” Then we’d smile, laugh and say, “Only God could do this!”

Even when we walked down the paths that seemed to conform to the normal, we would end up attracted to the fringes. So, is it any wonder that Live180 is a perfect fit for us as a ministry. We get to work with people who don’t fit into the normal Christian circles but have an intense hunger to know more about Jesus. It is utterly freeing to be right in the center of what God designed us to do. Some days are gut-wrenchingly hard, but even in those times, we have an intense peace and joy. I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s at this point.

I know journaling isn’t for everyone, but if you are at all inclined to record what God is doing in your life, I encourage you to do it. You never know when God will use what you’ve recorded to clarify calling, give hope to others or just give you a smile when you need it.

It’s a Sunday morning in January, and God is about to do something different. How do I know? I look out over the Coachella Valley and instead of our normal bright and sunny environment, clouds hang low over the landscape. The mountains that normally define our boundaries are invisible.

It is a misty, wispy day – making it appear as if Your Spirit is hovering close to the ground, wanting, begging for us to snuggle down, so You can reveal a new way to look at the things around us.

In the distance, the definition of the palm trees that carpet the valley floor are like dark ghost trees…poking through the ground fog in black fluff balls, not anchored to the ground. As my eye travels to the land closer to my outlook, there is more and more clarity.

Live is lived in the grey zone. Life isn’t as black and white as we would like. Things are not clear all of the time.

As I wrote and watched the scene moving and shifting before me, our Bible Study group begins to talk about how we perceive “bad things” in life. Then a “transformation of thought” began to emerge. Things are not always how we perceive them. We see the dark things in our lives as disconnected from what God is doing in our lives. The Enemy tries to obscure reality, like the ground fog hides the palm trees. The only way to get clarity is to get up close and personal with God.

Then I felt God nudging me with this thought, “Through dark times I bring more life. I bring growth and even more life. The contrast gives you a new perspective; highlights something new. It catches your eye and tweaks your brain – giving Me a moment to break-in, to reveal a new thought, to deepen our relationship, and to grow confidence in your direction, or to hone your character for your next direction.”

As the clouds began to lift, the people in the room seem to settle into peaceful contentment, knowing that God is with us in every situation and circumstance. There was a recounting of situations that we had thought were bad which have turned into major blessings. The mountains began to take shape in the distance with a new set of boundaries for our lives, ones that have been reshaped by this morning of resting in God’s presence.

As I read portions of what I had been writing to the group, I realized I had just encountered one of my “why do I exist moments.” I am a watchman on the wall, who is also called to be a scribe; to write down what I see and feel, so that others might be encouraged and challenged by what God is doing.

How do you perceive God and His plans and purposes for your life? Are you up close and personal, seeing clarity, or are things obscured from your view? I encourage you to take time with Him today to get His perspective on what is going on with your life circumstances.

I am participating in an amazing writing critique group that is helping me to work through the process of writing my memoir. Through expert observations, it became obvious that I had lost the essence of the story I wanted to convey. I couldn’t figure out how to get the story back on track. Then one day, as I was sitting in my living room, I looked over at a painting I did during a Christian art prayer/therapy session (Art Sozo) in August.
The title of the painting is “My Fingerprints.” The painting was done in layers. The first layer was a depiction of a lie I was believing about God at that time: that the Holy Spirit wouldn’t help me write the memoir. I depicted this on the canvas as a bunch of little black lines, that looked like words on a page. It was stark and rather depressing.
As I continued to paint, layer upon layer, on this painting, I worked through some internal issues. I needed to forgive myself and forgive others who had helped me to buy into the lie I was living out. I was also reminded that my God is loving and cheerful, wanting the best for me.
By the time I got to the fourth layer, I began to see that there was a specific message for me in the painting that I would have never guessed at the beginning of the exercise: that God sees me as a person with a big heart. Though my heart is frayed from some tumultuous situations I’ve been in, I still have the capacity to give and receive love.
I thought at that point that I was done with the painting, but no. In the next stage I was directed to ask God if there was anything else He wanted us to know. I waited for inspiration… then felt compelled to stick my finger in the red paint and started putting red fingerprints all over the painting. When it was done, I felt that God had just shown me that His fingerprints were all over my heart. Even the situations in my life that I felt were horrific have turned into something beautiful, because He redefined them with the touch of His hand, bringing clarity and meaning.
So, what does this story about a painting have to do with my memoir and my critique group? The working title of my book had been “Mad At The Wrong Mom,” which set a tone of anger and bitterness that was turning off my readers. Since that is not really who I am or what I want my message to be, something had to shift. The painting reminded me that every situation I’ve been in has helped me to grow and become a person with insight and love through the touch of God’s hand. The lessons I’ve learned as a result of these experiences are what I want to share through a compelling story of putting one foot in front of the other and trusting God to make it all work out. Therefore, I am changing my working title to “My Fingerprints.” It will be the story of a heart that is battered through tough experiences, but can still touch others with hope and courage to press on.
When I ask God for something, I never know where exactly where the answer will come from, but I’ve gotten into the habit of looking around. You never know, the answer maybe sitting right in front of you the whole time – and you, like me, just need your lenses cleaned to see it. Are you looking around for your answers to prayer?

It was just another Wednesday Night Dinner and Bible Study for the LIVE180 group. In the summer these are hot and sweaty experiences that I only attend because I am so curious to see what God will do. This particular night, I got an extra dose of God moving in mysterious ways. One of the men (who we thought was dead, because the last time we saw him he looked so bad and he had been gone for over two months) showed-up. He still didn’t look all that great. In fact, he was overly emaciated, with big eyes, a weak smile, and an IV port attached to his arm with a hospital wristband dangling from his wrist, but he was alive.
In a raspy voice he says, “Oh my – I’m so glad to see you. I had a dream about you that I just have to tell you. I checked myself out of the hospital, so I could make it here tonight.”
First, I gingerly hugged him and said how happy I was to see him alive.
Then he proceeded to slowly and painstakingly tell me this amazing dream amidst deep breaths and groans of pain:
We were in Rome – not at the Vatican but in a large conference size place. There were thousands of people there. There was singing and speakers. It seemed like, Billy Graham was there.
Then one of the speakers said, “We need to pray for people. There are a lot of people that need healing, emotionally and physically.” At that point that man turns to you and calls you out. He wanted you to come up front so he could pray for you.
You asked, “Why me?”
He said, “These people need help and God wants to use you. He wants to anoint you for that purpose. You are going to pray for them – the women – and they are going to be healed and set free.”
MIND BLOWN – About 25 years ago I had a similar vision – only God could repeat something that amazing.
Then he proceeded, looking me in the eye and saying, “You need to know you are gifted. It doesn’t matter that people think you are intimidating. It doesn’t matter that you are quiet and that people don’t understand you. You are gifted and God uses you. I’ve known that from the first day I met you.”
MIND BLOWN again – He was using words that have played over and over in my head for years. Here I was sitting with a guy who is physically and emotionally a mess and God was using him to touch my heart and remind me how much I am loved.
God is no respecter of persons – He uses the willing, even when they don’t look very able. This man is back in the hospital – I don’t know the number of his days, but I am thankful for that night, and for his conviction that he needed to talk to me. I went to dinner and Bible study with the idea that I was going to be a blessing to someone – and instead, I was the one who got blessed. It reminded me not to be proud, to walk in humility, and always keep my eyes and ears open for what God is doing, because you just never know when and how He will move.

I am rereading Psalms, again. I love King David and how he talks about his enemies – the people around him that are waiting to harm him. Then King David turns everything around and starts rejoicing that God is good and that is the reason to tell everyone about Him.
There have been several instances in my working career when I’ve felt like my enemies were working right next to me. It is difficult to get past the feelings of hurt and betrayal and to remind myself they are human too and need love. At those moments, I would love to toss out the parts of the Bible where I’m encouraged to love my enemies, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. However, I have experimented with these comments in the Bible to amazing results.
I determined to pray blessings on the people who I felt have hurt me in some way. I won’t say that it was easy to start, but it becomes easier and easier as time passes. God softens my heart and reduces the effect of the supposed offense in my life. It is amazing.
In a few instances, I have even had moments of real reconciliation with these people. For example: I had a person come to me recently who fell in this category of offenders and ask to get together for a chat. Full of angst, I agreed to the meeting, wondering what would happen. To my utter amazement God brought peace and hope to the relationship. We ended up sitting for several hours talking and laughing. Instead of being awkward, we were both set at ease and it became a time of catching up with an old friend – totally fun!
I feel like King David – God did rescue both of us and I want to tell everyone how great He is! I know that some relationships will never be fully reconciled because it is unsafe or unhealthy for me to engage with them face to face. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t rejoice in how God changes my perception, granting me peace and joy. This gives me the strength to pray that God will bless them with His love and mercy.
Although my story may sound like it was fixed quickly for me, this was almost three years in the making. In other words, persevere…allowing God to do the work He needs to do in your heart and the other person’s heart. Allow Him to set the pace.
Is there anyone you are feeling hurt or offended by? Experiment with doing what the Bible asks us to do – love them, do good, bless them, and pray for them – and see what happens.

This past week I had an identity crisis. I went to apply for a TSA Pre-Check certificate. I’m sensitive to other people’s stress and shuffling through the TSA screening lines for over an hour is really hard for me. Therefore, we were willing to stretch our budget to get the TSA Pre-check, knowing that over the next several years trips to Seattle will increase, as my Mom and Uncle get older, which carries its own kind of stress.

This seemed like a simple process: fill out an online form; then drive to the nearest TSA approved fingerprinting office (a little over an hour away from our house); present my driver’s license, birth certificate and marriage certificate to verify who I was; give them the money; and it would be done. However, when my husband and I arrived at the office, I was informed that my marriage certificate would not work as Identification because it was issued by a church and didn’t have a State Seal on it. They then asked for a passport. Mine expired several years ago; so, no, I didn’t have one of those either. In other words, they didn’t believe I was who I said I was because almost 35 years ago I changed my name when I got married. It was the first time in all the years I’ve been married that I thought back to the agonizing decision to change my name. Though my husband, even back then, was willing to let me do whatever I wanted; I felt societal pressure to make the change, especially since he planned to go into ministry.

Right there in that office I had an identity crisis – I felt helpless and insecure, which in turn made me mad. No, I didn’t yell and scream. I did what I do – got busy solving the problem. As soon as I got home, I ordered a Marriage Certificate with a State Seal on it. I got out my expired passport and went to the nearest full-service facility to apply for a new passport – a Post Office outlet in Desert Hot Springs another 20 minutes away from my house. In case you are wondering, Passports aren’t cheap, but I never want to have that lost, insecure and helpless feeling again because someone says I’m not who I say I am.

By the time I got home, I was having buyer’s remorse. I knew we really didn’t have enough funds to pay for a Passport, but I did it anyway. So, when my husband asked about it – I brashly said, “Well, it is done, and we are just going to have to figure out a way to pay for it.” We dropped the conversation.

I went to prepare for a paying job I had the next day. I have been mentoring a short-term mission team, who will be leaving for Kenya on August 9th, in spiritual gifting, releasing words of hope in people’s lives, spiritual warfare and prayer for various things. The next morning, I was still out of sorts – and I was not functioning at my peak during the session. However, they still paid me the promised amount. But, at the end of the session, one of the members blessed me with a surprise cash gift. Between what had been paid and the extra gift, my passport and both my husband’s and my TSA pre-checks were covered. I cried.

I didn’t have to work hard to find God in this story. He reminded me that regardless of who anybody else says I am – I am His child first and foremost. My name is written in His book and He never gets me confused with anyone else. He knows my needs before I know them and has a plan for providing for them. I also recognize that pursuing my identity in Christ is more important than my frantic pursuit to prove who I was to a Government Agency. In Him: I am found and grounded, I am completely secure and have strength and peace that surpasses all understanding. I am thankful for my stressful weekend. Sometimes I need a little reminder of how really fortunate I am to live where I live and have a heavenly Daddy who loves me unconditionally!
Where do you find your identity?

Though my husband and I run a non-profit that helps people with faith issues, most of my work is behind the scenes. Most of the people we are interacting with are working on basic faith issues – what do they believe in and how does that impact their lives. Sometimes I miss working with people who have been walking in faith for years and want to go deeper or dig into some of the “crazy” things in the Bible like in Mark 16:17-18 “And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands; and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.” Or in Matthew 10:7-8 “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons.” *
So, when a group from the church we frequently attend offered to pay me to help them prepare for the short-term mission trip they were planning to Kenya, I jumped at the chance. Really…to get paid to do something that fits your gifting, talents and passions is the ultimate joy. In fact, I sort of feel guilty for getting paid to do something I love so much – but I also thank God for providing for me anyway!
When I walk into a group like I can feel the weight of what God will be doing. Yes, I have knowledge to impart; but, there is also a deep sense of responsibility to release them into their destiny, which is much bigger than my little part of their lives. I love the “already, not yet” aspect of this kind of interaction. I love to see them grow and flourish and this group has not been an exception. Over the past few months I’ve watch a bunch of individuals turn into a team. They have gone from questioning if they really should go on this trip, to seeing themselves as capable and strong in the Lord. I’ve listened to them talk about how they are already applying the principles that we have discussed in their lives. They’ve learned to pray together, value each other’s gifting, love through the things that are irritating, and walk in the expectation that God will use them to show His love and make a difference. They tell me they are blessed by what they have learned.
This makes me smile – not because they are giving me accolades, but because God knew that I needed them much more than they needed me. I needed to be pushed to think the deeper thoughts again, to dig into the “crazy things” in the Bible, to remind myself that there is more. God wants me to participate in this more and I hunger to go there with Him.
I hope that you lean into your passions, using your gifting and talents to share the Kingdom of God with the people in your sphere of influence.

*Scripture verses from:
English Standard Version (ESV)
The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

Do you ever have a day when you think, “What am I doing here?” I had one of those recently. In fact, I was kind of whiny about it. “Why, God? Why me? Why this city? What is the purpose of it all?” Fortunately, it was a day when I was meeting with my Breakfast and Bible Study group, which meant I didn’t have too much time to wallow. Let’s just say, I was distracted enough to be looking out the window when – WHAM – God hit me over the head with the answer. I had been looking at it for over a year, but never really perceiving it. There before my eyes was the image I had been drawing all my life – mountains with a river-like cut down the center of them that leads to an oasis of color – sometimes water and sometimes field of green. I also realized that the drawings were always drawn from the perspective of an eagle looking out at the horizon from a lofty place. On this day, I realized I was looking at the picture from that exact angle. It felt like God was showing me that He had prepared this place and this time for me from early childhood. This was not an accident or something I just wanted to have happen – it was planned way in advance, so that I could have a reminder that I was in the middle of God’s plan for my life. That doesn’t mean that I won’t still have “What am I doing here?” days, but I now have a deep conviction that I am in the right place, even if I have not yet perceived all the details. I’m confident that, at the right time, God will reveal the next step in what I am doing here! How about you? Are you seeing, but not perceiving, God’s answers right in front of you?